Thoughts on Volunteering

This weekend was my church's Compassion Weekend, when we have the opportunity to go out and work on one or more volunteer projects in the community. It's a great program, encouraging us as Christians to serve in our community. I was very much looking forward to the experience. I signed up to volunteer in a resident home for senior citizens. I was sure the experience would be just wonderful for both me and the seniors. I was all ready to sign up for it on an ongoing basis, so convinced was I that this was what God wanted me to do.

Then reality intruded.

It didn't happen until after the activity leader gave his intro and told us what we would be doing. It sounded great to me - a short service with the seniors followed by visiting time. The leader said we would pair up with a resident and would probably feel drawn toward one of them, a sort God-made match-up. Cool, I thought.

As soon as we filed into the community room where the seniors were waiting for the service to start, I intuited it was not going to happen that way for me. For one thing, there were way more volunteers than residents, and about a third of us were without a senior. This was fine for the service, but afterwards was very awkward. Volunteers with a senior didn't seem to want to share. After a few moments, more seniors were brought in and the numbers began to even out. When I started approaching seniors without volunteers, I soon realized they had been left, that is, volunteers had been with them already and moved on for one reason or another. Some couldn't communicate or were out of it. Others couldn't speak English.

The remainder of the time was extremely awkward for me and generated a lot of negative thoughts on my part, which I'm still processing. I found myself wallowing in much self-doubt, feeling like the introverted social misfit that I was labeled as a child. Perhaps as a defense mechanism, or just in an effort to look at the situation honestly and stop berating myself, I took a long hard look around me.

Most of the volunteers were women - no big surprise there. I watched their behavior and I realized 1)that's not me and 2) I don't want that to be me. I'm not putting them down - they were very caring and nuturing. But some were treating the seniors like children, and others seemed overly familiar with them (they were all strangers to us). As they hovered around trying to give all the nurturing they could, all I could think of was: If I were one of those seniors, I would feel overwhelmed. And probably not with gratefulness. Gosh, I was overwhemed myself. It seemed like a competition for their attention.

The more I consider this situation, the more wrong it seems to me. And it was going to repeat three more times during the weekend in that same place. Many of those seniors were exhausted come lunch time.

I am cynical, I know. But I must be honest. It seemed to me that we were doing this more for ourselves than anyone else. So we could participate, so we could feel good about ourselves, so we could serve God. To be fair, I do believe I'm projecting a lot of my negative feelings onto my fellow participants. I also believe people were helped and God was served this weekend.

Near the end, a resident came in whom I spoke with for quite some time. By that time, many of the volunteers had already left, so I conversed with this woman uninterrupted. She seemed to enjoy the conversation and so did I.

I am first and foremost a one-on-one person. I enjoy relationship building. I like getting to know people - everyone has a story, most want to tell it, and I want to hear it. I don't deal well with groups; I get lost and confused and ultimately exhausted. I supposed that this activity would fit my strengths better, and perhaps on an ongoing basis, without a large group of other volunteers, it would.

Upon further reflection, I found myself thinking about the two times this week I've volunteered to help someone with their English. One is a woman I met at the senior home, oddly enough another volunteer. The other is man I know through a professional organization. I don't know why I offered to do this for them; I just found myself offering to help when they expressed a need. Is this still the Lord's work? I do think He led me to offer my help. I have a strong interest in communication, am fascinated by language, and am intrigued by other cultures. The thought of helping these people grow by improving their communication skills appeals to me because they need it, and I believe I can help. We will see where this goes.

I have learned much about volunteering this week. Not what I thought I would, but good lessons all the same. Isn't that often how God works?